When you watch as many films as I do, it’s good every now and then to reset the palette with something truly awful. Watching consistently incredible films all in one go is a great idea until fatigue begins to set in. The excellence blurs into one as you begin to pick up on the same bits of brilliance in all the same movies. You need a bad film to reaffirm what makes a good film so entertaining. That’s why I now take the time out, every week or two, to watch something so bad it’ll drop my expectations of any film tenfold. Date Movie then, was this week’s horrendous offering.

Similar in every way to that of Epic Movie and Disaster Movie, the Date Movie piece is nothing short of horrific. Possibly one of the worst films to come out of the early 2000s. How this style of comedy managed to get so big is beyond me, where a comedy movie satirises and makes reference to as many other movies as it can in the shortest amount of time possible. Coming from directors Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, the men that brought us Meet the Spartans, Vampires Suck and, of course, the aforementioned Epic and Disaster movies.

Date Movie is the first film in this horrifically congealed trilogy of fart, dick and sex jokes that somehow mangle themselves in with the plot. Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan) searches for love. That’s the plot of the movie, don’t think for a second it gets deeper than that. Within the first few seconds there’s already been a so-so mockery of Bridget Jones’s Diary and My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I truly struggle to understand who this film was made for, because even the most idiotic of movie goers (the people that paid to see Twilight) couldn’t get a kick out of this one.

Surely I’m missing something then, and Date Movie is actually some form of pseudo-comedy that I just don’t understand whatsoever. My hardened knowledge of Woody Allen slapstick, Vince Vaughn starring, gross-out Tom Green interest has won me over to a side of comedy where I thankfully don’t find Date Movie funny. It’s not even interesting as a “so bad it’s good” movie, crashing through the bad side of film rather quickly and never returning. Instead of well written jokes we have a competition between the actors to see who can get through their scenes without crying as they chow down on some of the worst writing of all time.

But what does it matter? Date Movie is fairly harmless, albeit a complete waste of time, resources and brain power. Every performance stinks, as does the direction, writing, cinematography and just about anything else that happens within this movie. It’d be a little too on the nose to recommend steering clear of this movie, but still, if it does happen to be showing on one of the many movie channels on the TV Guide, stay far away from Date Movie.

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