So far the Guardians of the Galaxy video game series has been somewhat of a train crash. It started out fairly harmless and I gave it the benefit of the doubt. By the third episode not much had changed and the flaws were becoming much more obvious. Now that we’re on then penultimate episode, surely things are beginning to improve? Of course they’re not, don’t be ridiculous.
The thing about this Telltale series is that it has been a very mixed bag from the start. It seems it’s completely downhill from here. My hopes for a good final episode have been completely crushed. But that’s not what we’re focusing on right now, what was so bad about Guardians of the Galaxy this time?
I suppose one of the better parts of this episode is that this is a bit longer. One of the problems with the previous episode is that it was barely an hour long, which is never good to say the least. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though, because we need to have a look at the positives first.
One of my main praises throughout this series has been that the graphics are always fantastic looking. It’s really no change here and it’s got some quite simply brilliant looking visuals. It’s coupled very well with the action throughout the game. However, aren’t good graphics an expectant feature of pretty much every Xbox One game now? Well, yes, the answer to that is we do expect graphics to look great. But given that it’s the only thing this game gets right, I suppose we better talk about it.
There was one good moment in this entire game that did save it for a little while. You run into a tunnel worm and get to name it. I named it Bowie, and I do appreciate it when this game gives recognition to musicians. See, if the game had focused more on the soundtrack then maybe it wouldn’t be so boring.
Actually speaking of the soundtrack it is actually very good this episode. Queen’s Stone Cold Killers is featured predominantly in the action scenes and it fits extremely well. It’s also a Queen song I’d never heard before, so that’s always a bonus. The action and the music actually fit up quite nicely as well which was a genuine surprise to me.
But good music and decent looking graphics is not enough to save a game from being bad. My main problem with this game like the previous episodes is the dialogue. Honestly at this point I was genuinely just expecting the dialogue to be disappointing. It was, it was probably the worst of the series so far. There seems to be some weird fascination with just saying things that have already been said in previous episodes. Telltale’s story telling has dropped several levels since the days of The Walking Dead.
Because this writing was so poor, you can definitely expect there to be some tear jerker moments. I’m going to go ahead and spoil it for you. Depending on what happened in the previous episode, you can let Nebula and Drax die. Really I don’t know how to go about explaining that one. Not only is it now messing with the Marvel canon (which honestly I don’t care about.) but it’s also trying to bring us back into the game with some heavy hitting choices. For me, it really didn’t work. I didn’t honestly give a shit for the entire duration of this game.
I was even more let down when the game is roughly 50% quick time event. Now look, I don’t mind the occasional one, but Guardians of the Galaxy really is taking the piss with the amount they include. The game seems to be nothing more than smashing the left and right triggers and hitting button combos that barely make sense. Again, Telltale has been dependent on these in the past, but it’s never been this bad, has it?
A game should never force itself into being funny. But in this game, we get trapped in a snake’s stomach. The amount of toilet humour throughout is depressingly high. There’s only so many times you can make poop funny, and it’s about once. Toilet humour in this game is apparently the forceful forte of all the characters throughout.
It’s a lacking tone that I don’t get. When Nebula died in my game, nobody really gave that much of a shit. Not even Gammora did, which puzzled me a little bit. Hell, Drax even throws in a few comedy quips about throwing her overboard. There’s such a lacking tone with this game and it’s the reason I can’t connect with these characters. They’re just a bunch of dick heads flying around in a ship. Still that’s what the film is as well, but at least the films were enjoyable.
So, is it worth bothering to play this episode out to the end? Well, if you did what I did and bought all five of them in the Season Pass, yes, I would recommend finishing it. Not because I enjoyed it but you probably spent £22 like I did and are going to get a finished product even if it kills you.
Not that it matters though, again it’s another depressingly dull adventure with a crew I no longer care about. The only way to save this series now is if Telltale have something really big up their sleeve. They’ve cemented themselves as a non-canon game now, so really what I’m playing is fanfiction. Do you know what the problem with fanfiction is? It’s boring, and nobody wants to see what would happen if Drax jumped into a snakes mouth.
Telltale are really pushing this as their next big game to rival their previous works. I’ll be the first to say it definitely hasn’t worked to any degree of standard. If they haven’t provided anything more than mediocre by the second off last episode then my hopes aren’t high for the finale. Maybe the finale will just be a two hour video of Telltale apologising to us.