No, I didn’t buy Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days, calm down. Why would I buy something like this? For some reason Microsoft deemed that this game would do for one of the free games a few months ago. Let me tell you something, it really wasn’t worth it. I feel ripped off and I downloaded this for free. That’s how bad it is, but it’s not as bad as people say. Let me set it straight though, this game is terrible. But worst game of all time? Maybe not that far. It’s oddly charming in some, very limited, areas.
Considering this is a shooter, the shooting is probably the most important aspect of the game. Which it is obviously, and you know what, you get used to it. Now that sounds positive, but I mean it takes some getting used to. Like, a few missions worth of play until you get used to one or two of the guns. Then as soon as you’re used to those guns the game decides to change the formula completely. Well, not completely, just different enemies in this game tend to mean different guns.
A few of the guns in this game are about as useful as a water pistol. Others are about as fun to use as counting spoons. However there are just those one or two weapons crazy and zany enough to work throughout the game. You want a shotgun that you can fire in the same postcode as an enemy that’ll kill them? Well, you’ve got it! How much of that is down to the actual weapon and not the dreadful hit detection is a genuine mystery to me.
You know, for a shooter, it’s extremely short. I pushed through the campaign over a weekend, playing in two hour sessions on both days. Bearing in mind I was on the easiest difficulty and died a bunch, you’re probably expecting something that’s a bit longer, right? Well, you’d be wrong there. There’s a good eight levels in the game and that’s your fill. Most of the focus went into the useless multiplayer mode. As much as I would have adored playing that, literally nobody plays this game so I couldn’t find anyone to play the multiplayer with.
I did try and convince my mates to play this game with me but they told me to politely piss off. Guess I had that coming to me though, I had just asked them to play Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days. Basically, asking someone if you can punch them in the nose is better than asking them to play this. As I found out the hard way. Not even the mention of easy gamerscore could convince me, they just told me I should play games for fun. Sod that idea, I play for gamerscore and reviews, that’s all I’ll ever play for.
A lot of people won’t have had the utter pleasure of playing the first game. I’m not gonna lie, give that one a miss as well. It’s as fun as scraping dog shit off of your shoes. Actually that’s probably a lot more fun than the first game. Hell, why stop there, if you thought Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days was bad then play the first one. Actually that’s a disgracefully terrible idea, you should not by any means play the first one. Unless you actually want to. That review is for a whole other day though, I can’t mentally cope with that game right now.
Although I’m giving this game a lot of grief, I can’t help but wonder why I stuck with it all the way through. Roughly a year ago now I published a review of Army of Two: The Devil’s Cartel and the two games are pretty much the same. Obviously there’s a lot less depth to this game than there was with Army of Two, but it still reminded me of it. Honestly I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing or not either. Army of Two was competently crafted, this of course, was definitely not.
I’m not sure if this is a positive or a negative, but there’s a mission where you run bare naked through China with a machine gun. Now, I’m not one to judge creative thinking, I just don’t know why this mission was here. Was there any reason for them to run around naked, not really, no. Was it a horrible visual to see two over forty year old codgers with their arses out? Oh yes, absolutely that was a horrible visual.
The relationship between the two “stars” of this game is, well, terrible. I don’t know if that’s because the two characters are paper thin in development or because the voice acting is, well, difficult. Yeah, difficult. The lines throughout are delivered with the grace of a bird smacking into a window. By that I mean it’s sudden, not developed well and just poorly written.
Maybe I was a tad harsh on Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days. Or maybe I didn’t go far enough, I’m leaning towards that idea. Don’t get any other impression than this being a bad game. By and large, this is the very essence of a bad game and one that should be avoided. Unless, however, you like playing really bad games for some fairly easy gamerscore. Which, I suppose appeals to me, and that honestly is rather sad.
In the time I spent with Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days I can honestly say my life span actually shortened. I could feel sanity slipping away as I trudged on through this mistake of a game. What makes it funnier though is that IGN said this game was good, if memory serves me correctly. I just double checked, yes, they did, and it was all because they had advertisements for the game on their website. What a shame.